


Connection of a Red String: A Memoir

by SummerBloom



Category: Tales of Berseria, Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Berseria Spoilers, Edna is a good sister I swear, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide, Varying Alternate Universes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-20 09:56:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8245054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerBloom/pseuds/SummerBloom
Summary: A collection of 100 one-shot drabbles centered around Eizen and Zaveid with varying length.Chapters containing Berseria spoilers will be marked with a ! in their title.





	1. ! Eizen's Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: “If you walk out right now, it’s over for us.”  
> Setting: Modern AU
> 
> This one contains spoilers for Berseria! So, uh, yeah. Don't read it if you don't want spoilers.

He doesn't know how Zaveid doesn't hate him.

Eizen doesn't even understand how Zaveid doesn't hate him for what he's done. Every kiss, every night spend in bed was too much for him. He felt sick, and guilty. How could Zaveid move from Theodora to him? Why couldn't he just tell Eizen to get out? Tell him he wished that Eizen had died instead? 

The suitcase is set near the door, and Eizen pulls Zaveid's apartment key from the keyring Edna made him in third grade. He sets it on the table, and stares at it for a moment. Guilt still ate at him as Theodora's heart beat in his chest, continuing his life like he hadn't stolen hers. 

He unlocks the door, wincing as the sound echoes through the apartment. But he gets it and the deadbolt unlocked, pulling the chain out and opening the door. 

But the sound of bare feet on tile floor has him looking over. Zaveid stands in the doorway to the only bedroom in the apartment, in nothing but his boxers, staring at him. 

“Eizen, where are you going...?” He asks, voice rough from sleep. Eizen looks away, and stares at the key again. 

He could stop. He could put his things back and keep living here. Keep sharing his bed and enjoy the warmth that Zaveid brings to his life. But Eizen knows he can't. Zaveid should resent him for everything. 

For stealing Theodora's life from her by needing that heart transplant. And for causing the accident that badly injured her. 

If only he hadn't existed... 

“Eizen...?” 

Eizen doesn't answer, grabbing his suitcase. Zaveid sees it, and his eyes widen before he glares at Eizen. He walks over to him, grabbing his arm. There's a pleading look in his eyes, and Eizen wants to drop the suitcase to hold him and tell him he'll stay. 

But it doesn't happen. 

He shakes Zaveid off, and takes a step. 

“If you walk out right now, it’s over for us.” 

Eizen stops, and looks back. Zaveid is staring at him, hoping it'll change his mind. 

“I can't stay. I'm sorry, Zaveid.” 

He walks out of Zaveid's apartment for the last time. 

Two years later, Zaveid sees it on the news. Reports of a suicide by falling off the roof of the local college and a picture of the now deceased. Zaveid's entire body freezes as he sees Eizen's face on-screen. He clutches the keyring Eizen had accidentally left behind two years prior as tightly as he could while tears build up and spill out, blurring his vision. 

“You idiot... Eizen...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Spoilers beware don't read)
> 
> I like to think that Eizen feels guilty over killing Zaveid's lover right in front of him while he can't do anything. And then I translated it to this! :'D
> 
> Enjoy the suffering. And yes, that was a Life is Strange reference. Haha. Oops.


	2. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows something's wrong with Eizen, but he doesn't know what it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I need you to forgive me.”  
> Setting: Modern AU
> 
> Started writing this after the first one. It deals with some stuff.

Zaveid knows Eizen doesn't sleep. He sometimes wakes up to see him staring out the window, sitting on the windowsill and holding one of Edna's Normin dolls. He cries, and Zaveid always has to coax him back to bed, holding him in a gentle hug.

Eizen performs well in the daytime. Like he hasn't stayed up all night crying while Zaveid sleeps. He smiles, he laughs and he even scolds Mikleo for trying to take Edna's parasol from her so she wouldn't jab him with it. So, he must ask Edna for the doll each night. It's the same one every time Zaveid wakes to his cries. 

He pretends to sleep one night, and keeps his ears open. The door opens, and he hears the familiar sound of Edna's boots. 

“Phoenix says he'll stay the night with you again. He knows you're still hurting.” There's a pause, and Zaveid feels the bed shift. Eizen kneels down next to Edna, and Zaveid opens one eye, vision slightly blocked by the pillow. 

“Will Phoenix stay the night with me tomorrow, too?” Eizen's voice breaks as he speaks, and Zaveid can see him crying already. 

Edna doesn't say much. She holds the Normin doll, Phoenix, up to where he's looking at her. She nods and turns Phoenix to face Eizen. “He says he'll stay tomorrow, too. And he wants to know when you'll tell Zaveid that you're hurting.” 

“I can't...” Eizen sniffles, wiping his eyes. “It's not easy for me to tell him.” 

Another silent conversation between Edna and Phoenix, before she hands him over. “He says you should, soon. We've hidden the pills again tonight, and We'll return them when morning comes.” Edna kisses Eizen's forehead. “Tell Zaveid soon, Eizen. He needs to know.” 

Eizen sobs, and Edna takes that as her cue to leave. Before she does, she pauses near the door. “We've hidden everything sharp, too.” 

The door closes, and Eizen breaks down crying. He doesn't move for at least two minutes, holding Phoenix and crying like he's been hurt really badly. It hurts Zaveid to hear, and he sits up, moving to hug Eizen. Eizen doesn't register Zaveid, but he registers the hug and cries into Zaveid's shoulder. 

When he moves to stand up, he finally registers Zaveid's presence. His eyes widen, and he cries out in fear. But Zaveid only smooths his hair, kissing his cheek softly. 

“Eizen, what's wrong?” Zaveid asks. Eizen doesn't know what to do, but he ends up crying more. Zaveid's patient, and he lets Eizen cry until he sniffles and wipes his eyes. He's been doing this for months, and only now Zaveid saw the dark circles under Eizen's eyes and how red his sclera was. 

“Zaveid... I need you to forgive me.” Eizen sobs as he speaks, and Zaveid only rubs his back comfortingly. “I-I... I relapsed. I cut myself. I-I'm sorry..” 

“Hey, shhh... It's alright.” Zaveid pulls him closer. “What set it off? Why'd you want to do that?” 

“Almost lost Edna...” Eizen buries his face in Zaveid's shoulder again. “Car accident... She's known, she hides everything until morning.” 

“But why aren't you sleeping?” 

“Don't deserve it.” 

Zaveid groans, rubbing his forehead. “Look, Eizen, you need to sleep. Come on.” 

Eizen feels like he weighs nothing as Zaveid helps him back into bed. He's still holding Phoenix and still crying, though not as painfully as he was earlier. Zaveid doesn't let go of him, not until morning. 

In the morning, he finds that Eizen wears concealer to hide the dark circles under his eyes, and that he paces if Edna takes too long to come home. But Zaveid knows why, and he helps Eizen distract himself from the worry. 

This time, he thinks, he'll help Eizen recover so he'll never relapse again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops.


	3. ! Eizen's Guilt: Redux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though it's hard, he copes... but in the worst way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I love you for you, don’t you dare think otherwise!”  
> Setting: Modern AU
> 
> Angst warning

There's something bothering Zaveid. And his name was Eizen.

Ever since they'd met in the hospital, after Eizen's heart transplant surgery, the two men had gotten along after a rocky start. Zaveid had visited daily for the time Eizen had spent recovering from the surgery and making sure his new heart wasn't being rejected, only because he'd felt bad for the blond. 

Then they met again a week later in the gym, while Eizen was busy lifting weights without a spotter. Zaveid had taken that spot up, and it'd been better then. 

“They told me I should be swimming,” Eizen said as they sat across from each other in the local café. “But I'd rather not.” 

“Aren't you not supposed to lift heavy things?” Zaveid asked, completely confused. “You probably need to listen to the doctors.” 

“I'd rather lift weights than swim,” Eizen sipped his coffee. “It's a recommendation, but I'd rather do things my way.” 

Zaveid took a bite from his sandwich, mulling over what Eizen said. Swallowing, he took a long drink from his hot chocolate and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Still, doubt the stress you're putting on yourself is good for your surgery.” 

“We'll see.” Eizen took the other half of Zaveid's sandwich, grinning. Zaveid noticed too late, and pouted. 

“Eizen, I was gonna eat that!” 

* * *

But he noticed how Eizen acted. One night, as he went to go to the bathroom half-asleep and basically naked besides for a pair of boxers, he heard Eizen crying. Zaveid couldn't understand why. Had he gotten hurt? Was his stomach bothering him? 

Was Theodora's heart being rejected? 

He couldn't do anything about it, and it hurt. But he started noticing more about him. Eizen would shut down and shrug if he thought Zaveid was mad at him, would have bandages on his chest for a few days, bought booze but never shared... 

Eizen's coping methods for surviving the accident that had taken Theodora from Zaveid was nothing short of _wrong_. Every time Zaveid tried to kiss him or at least get a bit intimate with him, Eizen would stay frozen. He wouldn't respond to any form of intimate contact. His body would, though. Zaveid could remember when he'd been rubbing Eizen's inner thigh and saw the obvious strain his pants were under due to his hard-on. But it felt wrong to touch someone so unresponsive, so Zaveid had just... stopped. 

And then, he saw Eizen with a knife on the day of Theodora's death. The tip of the blade was already in his chest, and there were tears in his eyes. He was attempting to cut out Theodora's heart from his chest. 

Zaveid grabbed his wrist, removing the knife and shoving him up against a wall in anger. But Zaveid kissed him despite it, putting his head on Eizen's shoulder. The look in Eizen's eyes had asked him why he'd do this, and he only had one answer for him. 

“I love you for you, don’t you dare think otherwise!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still love this version of a modern AU I thought up :'D


End file.
